Swimming Through The Heart: A Personal Essay On Open Heart Surgery

In October of 2018 I had open heart surgery to correct a congenital heart defect. This is the second post in a series of posts about my surgery. These posts will tell my story through open heart surgery. If you haven’t already, check out the rest of the My Story posts. Want to know the whole story? Check out my introduction post.

Note: This is a personal essay that I wrote for an online class. I thought that I would publish it here because it tells about my open heart surgery, just through swimming.

“I hear a noise, I think it might be a heart murmur,” the pediatrician said, “I want you to go to the cardiologist.” A few weeks later and I was in the cardiologists office having my first EKG, little did I know it would not be my last. “I want you to come back next week to have an echo, and maybe an MRI after that, ok?” the cardiologist said. “Of course.” my mom replied. 

A few weeks later I was back having my first echo, another test with not good results, “I think you may have an atrial septal defect, I’m going to send you to children’s to have an MRI.” the cardiologist said. I was so surprised when she said this, how could I have a heart defect? How? I didn’t know anything about heart defects. I barely knew they existed. 

I walked through the spinning doors of Boston Children’s Hospital on August 3rd with my mom. We made our way to the front desk to get our badges that allowed us to go in the inpatient elevators. We went to the inpatient elevators and took them to floor eight, the cardiac floor. When we got there the nurse lead us to a changing room for me to change. In the MRI room, the nurse had me lay down on the table and placed a large white plastic and foam thing on me, this she explained was a camera. I lay there and the bed moved into an MRI machine, it is tan and shaped like  a tube. Being inside was claustrophobic. Without even moving my arms I could feel the sides of the tube, they were cold hard plastic. I was kind of scared, but I knew I needed to have this MRI so I lay there, still and calm, and tried to watch my movie. 

The cardiologist called my mom while I was at swimming. When my mom picked me up, she said, “The doctor called while you were at swim camp, you need open heart surgery.” When she said that I didn’t know what to think, I was surprised, I was scared and everything in between. “You have an atrial septal defect of the sinus venosus type with partial anomalous pulmonary vein return.” she continued. When my mom said that I realized that if this could happen to me it could happen to anyone. Hearing this gave me a whole new perspective on life, it was like opening a door that I didn’t know was there. It showed just how lucky people are and most people don’t even realize this. 

A few weeks later I met with my swim my coach and we talked about how I wanted to tell the whole team about my surgery. My coach said that of course I could tell the whole team. 

A few weeks later my coach called a meeting to talk about our third breaststroke drill, two kicks one pull, “...ok, no more questions? We are going to do 4x25 of 2k 1p @35. First though, I think Caroline has something to share with you, Caroline?” I stood up and walked to the front. I took a deep breath, looked at my friend, and started, “I wanted let you know that on October first I am having open heart surgery.” I looked down and saw a girl in the front row her eyes were wide open, she was shocked, as shocked as I was, really I am still as shocked as she was then, but I don’t show it. “I have an Atrial Septal Defect, a hole in my heart. I’m fine now but after my surgery I won’t be able to swim for a few weeks, until mid-november.” Everyone was shocked. My friend, who I had just been sitting with looked like she had just seen a ghost. “Ok everyone,” my coach said, “4x25 2k 1p @35 on the top, come on.” Quietly everyone made their  way to their lane’s. 

After practice that day as I was leaving an older boy came up to me and said “Caroline, thank you for helping me with my freestyle. You taught me that sometimes you just need a new perspective, that there is more than one way to see things. Thank you for helping me. Good luck with your surgery.” he said. All I could stammer out was, “thanks.”

It was my last day of swimming, I had just finished my 200 free. I had best timed it by almost 8 seconds, and I was in the frog pond warming down. Swimming my last strokes before my surgery. I did a 1000 warm down. At one point a younger boy on swim team came over and said “Why are swimming so fast? And why are you crying?,You just went a best time.” he asked. I ignored him, not knowing what to say I pushed off the wall. He pushed off next to me and matched me stroke for stroke. When I was done I grabbed my stuff and went to the locker room. I changed quickly and went to the pizza party.  At the party, a bunch of kids came over and gave me a card and some cookies. I ate the cookies, I still have the card, water stained and ink smeared at the bottom of my swim bag.

The next day I was able to pick what I wanted to do, I picked to go downtown and walk on the Charles River, and go to Finagle A Bagel for lunch. We walked on the river for a long time, stalling on getting home, when the sun was finally setting and we had played at all the parks on the whole river, we walked home. Once we got home, we started making enchiladas, my favorite food. I checked that I had everything in my bag. After dinner we went to White Mountain Creamery for ice cream. 

The next morning I woke up early, and got dressed. I was ready. My family and I all got in the uber and went to the hospital. When we got to the hospital we took the inpatient elevators up to the third floor. When we got up there a nurse was waiting for us, “Your surgery has been delayed.” she said, “Please come back at 11 for your surgery.” I was ready for my surgery I did not want it to be delayed. Why did this have to happen to me? Why?

We got to the 3rd floor a couple minutes before eleven. When we got to the third floor the nurse led me and my family back to a bed to wait. We waited, and waited, then, finally, they gave me a robe and showed me and my mom to the bathroom so I could change. After I had changed my mom and I went for a little walk around the floor. When we got back the anesthesiologist was there, they were ready to put in my IV and sedate me. They tried a lot of times to get the IV in, but it didn’t work. Finally they decided to wheel me back and use a mask. After I said goodbye to my parents and sisters they wheeled me back into the surgery room. They gave me a mask, watermelon flavored. Slowly everything grew fuzzy and quiet.

Next thing I knew I was in the ICU drifting in and out of consciousness, begging for water and asking my mom to read to me. When the nurse finally gave me ice chips it was the best thing I had ever tasted. They were cool and they moistened my dry-as-a-desert mouth. 

I was moved to the floor the next day. The very first thing I did was get breakfast. I was starving. I ordered breakfast potatoes from the room service. The room service was one of the most disgusting things I had ever eaten. My mom went downstairs to au bon pain and got me a cheese and spinach croissant, it was much better than the potatoes. My sisters and dad came to visit me, it was my first time seeing them. I really liked seeing them, I had missed them last night in the ICU.

The next morning I got my last IV out and my drainage tubes were pulled out. Having the drainage tubes pulled out hurt a little bit but mostly felt weird. After my sisters and my mom came, my aunt and my little cousin came to visit. He is two years old and really likes me to carry him. For six weeks after my surgery I couldn’t carry him. When my little cousin visited me at the hospital I was really tired. All he wanted me to do was play trucks with him in the playroom, but I couldn’t really go on the ground with him. Finally he and my sisters started playing, they had a lot of fun. 

On Thursday I got to go home. I don’t think there was any better feeling than lying in my own bed, all propped up with pillows in between the cool sheets. The dinner that night was amazing! A warm cup of soup. I don’t think anything has ever tasted better. 

After four weeks of countless doctors’ appointments, at least two a week! I was finally cleared to go back to swimming the first week of November. I swam at one swim practice, one, before the doctor found out that I had a pleural effusion.  A pleural effusion is fluid in your lungs after open heart surgery. Mine was particularly surprising because it happened a month after my heart surgery. After two weeks on colcine I was able to start swimming again.

My second swim practice I swam freestyle for about half an hour. It felt really good. I spent about five weeks building up to swimming the whole time at all the practices. I felt good in the water, I wanted to swim at a meet. On the first weekend of January I swam at the MIT specialty meet. The first day went great. I best timed the 100 free and the 100 breast. The next day did not go so well. I couldn’t finish the 200 free, and I didn’t make regionals.

The next day my coach talked to me. “Look Caroline,” he said, “you have put a lot of effort in this season. You need to give yourself more credit. A lot of people would not still be coming to swim practice and enjoying it. A lot of people would not have even tried this season. But you have it says a lot about who you are as a person.”